Caveat Emptor: Damaged Goods Inside.

squee

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 10:34:38 GMT

Ooh, ooh! Oooooh! It's confirmed! The Dolls are DEFINITELY playing in Auckland! OOooooOoohh!

If I weren't so goddamn lazy, I'd be hopping around with excitement. I never care about bands... but this one has somehow made it through. Sweet chocolate icecream with caramel sauce, I am almost sweating with the anticipation of it all.

Twice in a week, twice in a week! TWICE! Tweece! Oh, gosh. Someone calm me down.

You know what THAT means?

Double the chances of pulling Amanda Palmer.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh yeah!

Tickety goodness.

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 10:43:14 GMT

I, uh, have my tickets. For the Dresden Dolls. In Brisbane. In September. I just have to buy my plane tickets now. Freakin' excited.

I can't believe I'm going to Australia for a band. Just like that! How spontaneous.

Now I just need to buy a pretty frock to impress Amanda with... I'm sure once she meets me she'll decide she really wants a coin operated GIRL.

The Attention Just Encourages Her:

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 09:51:33 GMT

Guess who's back?

I think I'm going to post here more often than on my blog.. I'm not sure why, but I'm kinda gravitating back here.

Since you last heard from me on here.. there have been some changes.

I'm single (and pleased about it)
I'm the Manager of the Kodak shop I work at
I've found a new musical fave (well, re-discovered really, I used to like them and now I like them more and again) - the Dresden Dolls. (smitten... I really am)
Lost my edge but am finding it again via pretty stockings and new suspenders to hold 'em up (as in, I have already bought stockings, but need more, and I have already got a pair of suspenders but need many more)... Also keeping my eyes peeled for some 14 or 20 up dark cherry Doc boots. I've found some online but want to try a pair before I buy them.
I have new hair (black out, brown with highlights in... Want black with hot pink highlights but can't do that in my job).
Have two new tattoos on the way, and three more piercings coming too (none of which will be suitable to show photos of on here :D )
Have been to NYC and Toronto. I loved NYC so much that as soon as it's stabalised (the economy, the government) and I have the money, I'm moving there.

Uhm... I can't think of any new updates so I guess that covers the important, interesting, or recent developments.

Am off to take a hot hot bath.
Ciao!

Find me..

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 00:50:11 GMT

I'm more about blogging now, because it doesn't feel so much like I'm imposing by writing drivel. People have to *choose* to read it. So you can get my blog by visiting <a href="http://kelliebean.blogspot.com>here</a>. Also, mini update: I'm applying for the store manager position at the shop where I work, and it's looking pretty good so far. Wish me luck :D

Tolerance

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 10:46:32 GMT

Entry

Okay - I've posted on Intolerance. Now let's talk about the word "tolerance". I've heard many people describe themselves as "tolerant", using it in a positive sense. May I ask something of anyone who has insight to this?

What on earth is good about seeing oneself as "tolerant"?

By definition, to tolerate something is to be "forgiving under provocation"; "showing the capacity for endurance"; "to put up with, endure"; "put up with something or somebody unpleasant". This is an action which speaks clearly to ones own sense of self superiority. It has an implicit (and often explicit) referral to putting up with something deplorable.

So, when someone tells me they are "tolerant of gays", or "tolerant of foreigners", they are saying to me "I see myself as superior, and I wish they didn't exist, but I'll put up with them so I can boast about how 'tolerant' I am". It's the language of a bigot, of a narrow minded self righteous twat.

Ah! You say. But what word shall I use instead, to please you? How about none. How about (and this is a novel idea!) instead of judging someone based on their sexuality, ethnicity, gender, social status, political affiliation, etc, you get to know them? Find out the good things about them? It isn't such a hard call, and you may just find yourself happier for it.

I don't like people who use language carelessly... But I suppose I'll tolerate them ;o)

Intolerance

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 10:44:47 GMT

Entry

I'm not generally an intolerant type of gal. In fact, I'm rather an understanding kind of person, if I do say so myself. But there is something I am just so sick of. Unnecessarily smug people.

Mainly, I'm talking about relationships. As everyone who has this blog address knows, I'm in a long distance lesbian relationship. As they SHOULD know, I'm very very happy about it. Ideally, we'd live closer together. But in the meantime, I'm getting to know the most amazing woman I've ever loved. I can deal with a bit of distance. She's worth it.

That's why I get so frustrated hearing about things like "Well, one day you'll be together"; "When you're at the point in your relationship that me and (insert name here) are..."; "It must be really hard for you"; etc etc. I don't want your sympathy. I don't need it and I didn't ask for it, and what's more, it shows you have an unspoken condescension towards my situation. Tell me - is any relationship 100% perfect? Can you honestly say that from the start, there was not a single thing that might have made things easier? Perhaps it was that psycho ex, perhaps that one of you didn't have a cellphone, maybe you worked odd hours that meant you couldn't see each other as often as you'd like, or one of you wasn't out. Well, in my relationship, the flaw in the diamond is that we happen to live halfway around the world. As far as issues go, I think that's pretty small. I consider myself very lucky to have such a loving girlfriend, and I don't have a problem with the distance (usually - obviously it gets hard at times) so please, don't you have one either.

Also - don't superimpose your feelings onto me. Maybe you'd be devastated because you couldn't see your partner daily. I'm not. I don't like to think I'd get that co-dependant and when I say that I'm not crying because she lives overseas, I do not appreciate you saying "Oh well, one day you might have that kind of love". I don't WANT that kind of love. The kind of love where you can't physically cope without the other one? That's unhealthy. I've been there, done that, learned that lesson. Don't try and make me feel inferior because I've moved past that point in my life. Maybe you should be examining yourself to see why you don't feel like you're enough alone.

I'm actually getting so sick and tired of the bullshit lately that a good many of my friends are going to find themselves wondering where I went, because my doors will be closed to them. (Like the last entry of this ilk, this isn't aimed at anyone who knows about this blog, rather a rant).

Let me be me. If you're my friend, rejoyce with me about what a great person I am. Say congratulations about my happy relationship. Accept me for me. If you choose to deride who I am by deciding how I ought to feel, then expect to see my back, moving away, quickly.

Christianity: A Social Experiment Gone Horribly Wrong?

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 10:43:19 GMT

Entry

Ok. First, my disclaimer. I know there are people reading this who are self identified as Christians. This entry isn't an attack on Christianity. It is simply looking at alternative beginnings for the birth of your religion. By all means, if Christianity makes you happy, then keep it up. But no-one should be afraid to question.

Okay, now that's over and done with, I'll start.

Imagine you're a ruler. The people you're ruling are kinda... unruly. Unruly, but superstitious and gullible. What's the best way to control them? Pay off a poor carpenter and his wife to tell their child he's the son of some guy named "God", who is omnipresent and has the power to save you, or condemn you. Shit, the villagers will HAVE to believe it, because it's too far fetched not to. Or something along those lines. And poof! We've got a religion.

Imagine if it was actually that. If God is just a figment of some deranged rulers imagination. Hey, there's no proof He exists. None at all. We can't tell, because we don't meet him until after we die. Pretty convinient huh? Over thousands of years worth of people, raised in terror of an invisible guy. It doesn't make sense. It's so illogical, that the same group wanting to control society figured they'd indoctrinate people from birth. We can't question something we've known is true our whole life! Can we? Well...? So they baptise babies, tell them about this dude God, and scare the crap out of them as kids. As adults, they're "morally upstanding" (read: hateful to people who don't do what they think is right). The church has power. Complete control. Of course they're gonna carry the joke on over the years. It worked well!

And now they're corrupt. Seriously so. Handy, since they're about power, not religion, huh? But of course, they wouldn't get accused of that, because everyone is too terrified of their invisible friend to accuse the holy group of being less than that.

Makes you wonder...

These People Are From Iceland... They Think Bjork Is Normal, There!

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 10:42:24 GMT

Entry

Thought for the day: In one of her songs, Katie Melua sings

"If a black man is racist,
Is it okay?
If it's a white man's racism
That made him that way?

'Cos the victim is the bully they say,
By some sense,
They're all the same."

What do you think?

Do you really have a soul?

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 10:41:08 GMT

Entry

I've been thinking. (LJ'ers run, hide, cower, and sweat).

Why is the concept of a 'soul' such an important one? I like the idea, but the more I think about it, the more I'm questioning it.

Everything in our personality is created by electrical impulses in the brain. True.

There is a lot that we are not scientifically advanced enough to know yet, but will eventually be explainable by science. True.

Historically, many beliefs we had about people are now able to be proved or disproved by science. True.

There is no evidence that a soul exists beyond the electrical impulses in the brain. True.

-----------------------------------

Okay. The first law of thermodynamics: Energy can be transferred from one system to another in many forms. However, it can not be created nor destroyed. So, we die. We are buried. We decompose. We eventually go back into the soil. Soil is what plants grow in. Energy we had in our bodies absorbs into these plants via the soil we have become, and the plants are eaten. We nourish another life. Cycle complete, cycle begins again.

Isn't it possible? That we actually don't have souls? That we're just bundles of energy that eventually just end? Once our brain stops working, the "self" that we are ceases to exist in any real form? Or, if it exists again (for instance as a spirit form) it is a mere coincidence of electricity gathering together and creating "lightening" (for want of a better word)?

This would explain spirits and ghosts. It would explain what happens after death.

I'm interested to hear what other people's views on this are. Bear in mind that nobody can really know the absolute truth so everything we state is simply opinion and educated guesses.

Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 10:38:46 GMT

Entry

While I don't necessarily think Eminem is a great guy in all he says or does, a LOT of what he says in his lyrics is highly intelligent and if one chooses to look beyond the way he presents them, it isn't at all hard to see that there is a brilliant mind behind the swear words. Hence, my subject line, and the subject of this entry.

***WARNING*** I am mad and this entry is going to be offensive to some.

Let's get this out there to start with. I, for one, am sick and tired of hearing my queer friends berating heterosexuals. We don't like it when it's done to us, so why do it to someone else? I've heard so many comments within the past couple of weeks, about how straight people are disgusting, unnatural, can't commit, are bigoted, are homophobic... Just because they don't understand, doesn't make them homophobic. A fear and disdain for understanding might, but I think that many straight people who are labelled "homophobes" for asking questions, looking twice at a couple, laughing while walking past a gay bar... they aren't actually out to get you. I've always thought it was highly vain for people to imagine strangers actually care that much about what they get up to in bed. When you walk past a person in the street, do you imagine what they do? Do you wonder if it's different to what you do? If you found out someone was into something sexually that you weren't, would you hate and fear them for that? Then why on earth would they do that to you? Get a grip on reality darlings. No-one actually cares that much.

And now, I'm going to cop flak for rejecting homophobia. I'm not saying it doesn't exist. It definitely does. But just because someone treats you like you're different to them, doesn't make them homophobic. If you found out someone you know lives a life where they are denied rights, are in a social minority, will always have to face a certain amount of fear from certain institutions, (and the list goes on)... wouldn't you look at them a little differently? Maybe the aunty who looks at you differently after she finds out you're gay isn't ACTUALLY afraid of your sexuality. Maybe she's just amazed that you can live like you do because it's so different from the norm. We are a minority. We will ALWAYS get sideways looks. Smile at people. Wave. Look at them too. Fear has no place in society and we can only kill it with love. If someone is watching you and your girlfriend walking down the road with your arms around each other, smile, wave. They'll say later on "I saw a friendly lesbian couple today". If you assume they are being bigoted, and scowl, glare, pull the fingers, mutter to your partner, whatever, they're going to say to their friends "I was a couple of rude f*cking dykes today... bitches". Would you rather we get a reputation for being friendly and polite, or rude and arrogant?

I'm just fed up... we are worse than them. Maybe not on a violent level, but on a bitchiness level. Most queer people I know make a lifestyle habit of berating heterosexuality. We're all guilty of it to some degree, be it shuddering at the thought of straight sex (heck, it can't be THAT bad, billions of people can't be wrong), saying they are all commitment-phobes, assuming they are all alike, or assuming they all don't like us. Well, fuck. You're being even MORE closed-minded than they are!

I know this won't stop it, but I never want to hear another generalisation about heterosexuals, again. Ever. Seriously. By all means, say "This asshole was so rude to me today, he called me a fucking dyke at the gas pump". Tell me about it. Solidarity in the commuunity and all that. Say "I met this girl who was upset because her boyfriend hasn't proposed". I'm happy to listen. But if you say to me "Straight people are SO afraid of commit", expect to lose a lot of respect from me. Because you're proving to me that you're the real bigot. I do not want to hear about "straight people" just like I do not want to hear about "all gays". There is no such thing. We are individuals. We are NOT alike. Would it be acceptable, on any level, to say that all people from the Middle East are terrorists? No fucking way. So don't assume all straight people are alike and maybe we will be granted the same consideration.

For the record, this isn't aimed at one person in particular. Nobody who knows about this blog is in the group I'm ranting at (unless they're guilty of these heterophobic generalisations). It's a vent, not an attack (but I absolutely see how it may come off as an attack). If you want to be small minded, far be it for me to tell you not to. If you choose bigotry, then I don't want to tell you you're wrong. You'll find it out for yourself. I don't have the energy for that. I'd rather just live my own life, and not make wrong assumptions about other people's lives.

All for now folks. I'm outta here.

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 10:36:22 GMT

Okay - I'm doing a copy/paste from my blog with some of my more interesting entries, so you all know I haven't fallen off the planet. Consider this fair warning that some of them are ranty. Nothing personal, just that my blog is more personal to me than this is, so I'm more... just exploring my own headspace. Okay... incoming!

RIP

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 04:10:53 GMT

I found out today my ex's Mum died a couple months back. She was like another mother to me before the breakup and I'm very upset. *cry*

R.I.P. Susie...

Gimme Ideas

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 23:22:05 GMT

For my 1920's Garden Party themed 21st in March.

I'm sussed as to costume, and photo backdrop... Have a few ideas about how to decorate the garden but any advice is mooooost welcome.

(Now you say something).

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 22:05:19 GMT

I don't want to speak too soon, so this is strictly OFF THE RECORD...

But I just looked at the 102 exams from years gone by...

It looks really easy! *happydance*

I think I can actually answer the questions.

(Which is good, since I didn't do my article analysis essay... oops. I might hand it in late, but my brain just ain't working lately.)

Can I Get An Encore, Do You Want More?

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 10:14:13 GMT

(Oh boy... that would be a GREAT subject line if this entry was to ask people for more comments).

I feel... crap. I'm so fed up with my family. I won't go into the details here for fear of boring you all to death, suffice to say some lessons in basic human interaction wouldn't go astray.

And, I miss my girlfriend. :( Both of our schedules have been pretty hectic lately therefore, less us-time. But, there's somethin' special about her. Get used to the idea that I'm very attached, folks, because over the months this has been building up, I've fallen hard. Very hard. And I don't have plans to change that status.

I'm missing simplicity. Married life suited me, and I can't wait to eventually get there again. The rhythm of waking together, leaving for work, coming home to her, dinner together, bed, going out together on weekends, occaisional nights out with friends... It's peaceful. It's comfortable. It's relaxing. And even though my past experience with this was highly abusive, the general idea was one I flourished in. Physically healthy, often happy, content, and (when I didn't want to die) I was ecstatic. I want that again (sans the suicidal tendencies and abusive partner). I want to have a wife to cherish. Wah.

Fuck the diet...

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 23:31:35 GMT

I just made an obscene quantity of lemon honey.

*drool*

This is only about my favourite spread in the whole world, ever.

And, like most things I bake, I got it perfectly right first time. Who's the next Martha Stewart (sans jail time)? "You are, Kellie"... That's right.

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 05:50:43 GMT

Oh and I bought the Missy Higgins cd. Yayness.

Go Uncle Sam Go... shaking head

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 05:37:34 GMT

Seriously... What the fuck???

Wave of Obscenity Prosecutions Leads to Closure and Self-Censorship of SM Websites
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - National Coalition for Sexual Freedom

October 20, 2005 - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has announced that his office will specifically target "bestiality, urination, defecation, as well as sadistic and masochistic behavior" in pursuing new obscenity prosecutions. The Department of Justice began recruiting in late July for a new anti-obscenity squad to pursue obscenity prosecutions, and the FBI announced in September that it was forming an anti-obscenity task force to crack down on pornography.

Any website that has content containing "bestiality, urination, defecation, as well as sadistic and masochistic behavior" should be forewarned that prosecution is possible. Additionally, Federal sentencing guidelines state that any obscenity-related punishment should be "enhanced for sadomasochistic material."

Forty people and businesses have been convicted of obscenity since 2001, and 20 additional indictments are pending according to Andrew Oosterbaan, chief of the Justice Department's child exploitation and obscenity section. There were only four obscenity prosecutions during the eight years of the Clinton administration.

Though adult content is, in theory, protected by the First Amendment, only a jury can determine if a work is obscene or not under the subjective set of standards that vary from one community to the next established in the 1973 Supreme Court ruling, Miller v. California.

Text is not inherently more protected than images when it comes to obscenity charges. The erotic fiction website Red Rose Stories is facing obscenity charges after federal agents raided the owner's home on October 3rd, taking computer equipment and diskettes that contained all of their files and site information.

The Department of Justice is clearly hoping that websites will self-censor or remove their content entirely. Midori, a fetish model and SM educator who teaches classes on bondage, has removed her website, BeautyBound.com, citing fear of obscenity prosecution. The owner of three SM websites, known as GrandPa eSade, removed his websites from the Internet. SuicideGirls.com also announced they are self-censoring their materials over concerns about a possible obscenity crackdown.

Recent prosecutions of obscenity on websites include: A former police officer in Lakeland, Florida, was arrested on October 7th on over 300 obscenity-related charges for the sexual content posted on his website. The same day, webmaster Chris Wilson, owner of amateur website NowThatsFuckedUp.com, was raided on charges of obscenity by a local Sheriff's office.

"I think it's crucial for us to stand up for consensual sadomasochism and other alternative sexual practices," says Barbara Nitke, fetish photographer. "This is a battle worth fighting, and I hope everyone who can will just censor out the most provocative material from their websites, but keep them up. I also appeal to the lawyers in our community to help us find ways to keep people's websites up."

Barbara Nitke and the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) have proactively challenged federal obscenity laws as applied to the Internet, arguing that obscenity laws based on "local community standards" are too vague and their existence burdens protected speech, resulting in self-censorship due to the fear of prosecution. A district court three-judge panel in New York ruled that while Nitke and the NCSF members were at risk, more proof was needed that obscenity laws cause otherwise protected speech to be restrained through acts of self-censorship. The case is currently on appeal to the United States Supreme Court.

"The effect of silencing alternative lifestyle speech was exactly why we brought the lawsuit," says attorney John Wirenius, lead counsel for NCSF. "The self-censorship we are seeing underscores the importance of supporting our ongoing obscenity challenge."

To contribute to the appeal of the CDA lawsuit, go to:
www.ncsfreedom.org/donations.htm

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom - www.ncsfreedom.org
Barbara Nitke - www.barbaranitke.com

###

Contact:
Susan Wright, NCSF Spokesperson
(917) 848-6544

A project of NCSF

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom is a national organization committed to creating a political, legal, and social environment in the United States that advances equal rights of consenting adults who practice forms of alternative sexual expression. NCSF is primarily focused on the rights of consenting adults in the SM-leather-fetish, swing, and polyamory communities, who often face discrimination because of their sexual expression.

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
822 Guilford Avenue, Box 127
Baltimore, MD 21202-3707
410-539-4824
media@ncsfreedom.org
www.ncsfreedom.org

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCK.

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 01:01:54 GMT

Now I'm just pissed. VERY pissed.

Emily has been emailing me. So, I asked her to stop. She wouldn't. I told her I knew about her cheating on me (I said to her that I'd heard about her bedding mutual friends).

Then, she emailed me THIS!

"your thing about me trying to bed mutual friends is totally inaccurate.
the only people i slept with while i was with you were not mutual friends at all. ha."

OMG. Go to hell.

le sigh

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 23:27:57 GMT

I found out today that throughout our relationship Emily had tried to cheat on me with friends of mine (more times than those which I already knew about).

So, I'm glad I found out because now I can completely cut her out of my life like the cancerous little growth that she has become. But I really am angry about her sheer hypocrisy and I'm also converned for her new girlfriend... I think Emily is quite seriously unbalanced and I'm not in a position to do anything about it. I suppose the best way to learn does tend to be the hard way.

I was reflecting on the breakup a few days ago, and about how surprised I was that I wasn't at all upset when we decided it was over. I think that for me, Emily was just a rebound... as you all remember, at the time I wasn't in love with her but rather with someone else and I think the feelings I had for Emily were just me, superimposing my feelings for the other person, onto her. I didn't want to believe that but it's just that now, when I think of her, I feel more pity than anything else. I've never met someone of that age who is still so dreadfully confused about themselves... I'm not sure why she is the way she is but I do hope she finds peace soon or she'll never be happy.

To be honest, the only feelings I have about her moving on are selfish ones - I'm a bit affronted that she isn't as heartbroken as I'd like her to be. Terrible, I know. But I'd like to think she was a little upset at losing me! (Well, I'm quite a catch!). ;)

Oh well, c'est la vie I suppose. I'm glad I'm out of there :)

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 02:51:49 GMT

I feel really; really. really! really* blah.

I do NOT want to do my damn essay. I would rather just hand in a sentence, have them say "Crap essay, 0%", then pass anyway cos I have exceptional marks on the other parts of the paper. But alas, my pride won't let me do that. Damn feeling like an academic.

Oh and I'm kind of off my diet, at least, until after exams. It's too much like hard work trying to find something at uni with no sugar or carbs or dressing or anything that's actually appetising. Plus, I've been really really ill for the past couple of days and I want to get my strength back.

I'm getting ludicrously excited about my trip to Canada/LA next year... Hopping around wanting to sing and dance.

The downside is, I found out to remain WRO I have to be enrolled... a member of the AUSA so I need to be a current student. So, I'll have to enroll in a paper, and I just won't go, but that's a waste of $500. (I'm going to be working full time to save for my trip, that and my brain needs a rest). I'll take Mondays off so I can still go to exec meetings though. My other option is to just try and trick the AUSA into letting me be a member without being enrolled, but I'm sure that wouldn't work. Harumph.

*sniffle*

I just want to be home in bed. Dagnabit.

Or in Canada... in her bed. *pout*

Sympathy Please

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 08:39:44 GMT

Waaaaaaaaa. I'm so very sick.

Up last night and today puking my guts out. (Hey, lets be frank here).

Hug me.

Perm?

Fri, 14 Oct 2005 07:47:55 GMT

I really really reallllllllllly want curly hair. But the idea of a perm scares the fuck out of me. My mother had a perm when I was a child. She also gave ME a mullet. I don't want to inflict those same hairdressing ideas on myself.

Does anyone know what modern perms are like? I just want natural looking big curls - not spirals or ringlets, more like the curls you get from heated rollers... but without the heated rollers. They're so pretty and they suit me down to the ground.

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 10:08:10 GMT

Call me what you will...

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 11:08:35 GMT

But I have an announcement to make!

Ahem... I have a new girlfriend. But, ... she is an e-Girlfriend. And I'm smitten. She's absolutely the bees knees. She lives in Canada so we won't be able to meet until the middle of next year. But in the meantime I'm so happy with her. I wasn't expecting it but once we got talking I completely fell for her.

That is all.